December 31, 2019

3:00 PM

I am lying in bed with my friends Mars as their partner Beeh dyes their hair. The two of them might have to move over the state line to Wyandotte County (The Dotte!) in order to get better medicare service apparently. I wonder what it means to be from The Dotte. What is the history there and how do people feel about their neighborhoods? I must look this up.

5:00 PM

I can’t find many reasons to look forward to my future. I don’t see myself amassing wealth. I don’t see myself with any solid future job prospects. While I feel I would be a great parent or married partner, I also don’t find that in my future either.

All of this is okay. I know what path I wish to follow and I do not want to give in to societal pressures to hit certain life goals by certain times. Marriage in my 20s? Nah. Three kids and a new car? No thanks. New games and materials from Amazon Prime? I prefer my old stuff.

Whatever comes will come and there is no reason in tying myself to long-term plans. I can have an idea of what I want but if things change, I need to accept that a plan can go wrong and I will still be okay. Should I really hold my friends, family, and partners to specific goals? I find people who do that to be hypocritical at times because everyone seems to struggle with holding themselves accountable. I just set myself up for disappointment when I try to hold others accountable.

All things will pass and my path will be given to me. I don’t run this system, I am only a person within it. My focus should be on walking any path given to me, still do what I think is right, and bring whoever with me.

I am currently happy where I am at. As long as I continue to work on how I feel about myself, whatever or whoever is added on to my equation will benefit from my happiness.

I cant share myself to give other people their happiness. But I can share my happiness with others to help them find their own happiness. Does that make sense?

Peace and love,
Jazz Hands of Death

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