Empty (January 8, 2020)

“FUCK, I LOVE LIBRARIES,”

say the white-passing man, who doesn’t always feel like a man, who actually looks like a boy, as he notices he is surrounded by many of Kansas City’s poorest individuals.

Transient individuals haul trash bags containing some of their only possessions as they march through the library, in pursuit of a place to relax and be themselves.

However, when this library’s doors close at 9:00 PM this evening, I have a car to walk towards. I have an apartment to sleep in and a bedroom ceiling leak to stare into.

Where do many of these valuable human beings go?

What is an enjoyment for me (the library) is a necessity for others. What is my place in that? Is it inherently selfish of me to be asking this question? Or does asking this question open my sense of understanding towards others?

How do I use my agency to redistribute what little wealth I have towards the benefits of others in greater need than I?

I read about the public housing that exists in Vienna and I could only dream of that happening here in Kansas City. What is a free bus route if there are no homes for people to go towards?

Today I have been incredibly depressed because I feel so empty. This is an empty attempt to describe how I feel.

With much emptiness,
Jazz Hands of Death

No Longer Allowed (January 4, 2020)

I can’t find anything
What once was is no longer there
Toss and turn
Make me shake
What does it mean to be right here?

Read a book
Slapped a page
Went outside
Screamed out loud
Ignoring this phase is
no longer allowed.
Ignoring this phase is
no longer allowed.

All the black in the sea
My faith inside your arms is square
Up all night
There’s no bread
What once was is no longer there

Rode a bus
Held a hand
Stayed inside
I’m no man
Seeing your face is
no longer allowed.
Seeing your face is
no longer allowed.

Withering out, I’m far
In the heat of the night, you fly
Dig a dirt
Take a stand
What could feel can no longer hold

Once you cried
I knew why
Once I cried
I knew I lied
Avoiding this space is
no longer allowed.
Avoiding this space is
no longer allowed.

Your sad daze is
no longer allowed.
Your sad daze is
no longer allowed.

My strange face is
no longer allowed.
My strange face is
no longer allowed.

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